1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
