Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
