Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
