No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize