Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
