I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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