One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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