honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
