I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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