So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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