she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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