i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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