so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
