thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
