remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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