he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
