I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
