His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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