dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
