I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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