The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
