she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize