I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize