I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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