So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
