this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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