THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
