Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
