Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
