Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
