He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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