Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
