I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
