dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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