I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
