I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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