Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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