she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
