I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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