Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize