I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
