It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
