you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
