on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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