The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
