Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Oh god it's open bar.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
