don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
