I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
