Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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