my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
