My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
