At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have fence marks all over my body
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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