I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize