I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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