He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
