NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
