my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Randomize
