Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
