i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How naked do you want me to be?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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