No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize