Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
