She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
But we have bathrooms and they dont
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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