Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize