Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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