Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize