I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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