Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
