Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
