girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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