i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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