Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
